I hate chick functions. Not a fan of bridal showers. Baby showers. Engagement parties. High teas with the bridal party. Etc etc etc.
I am, however, a fan of my cousins. Therefore, I will walk to the ends of the Earth to do their bidding. And today was Cousin Erin’s day to reap such benefits from me. Her lovely little bridal shower garden party was hosted in our aunt’s backyard in Davis with what I must say was remarkable weather. Sunny, breezy, warm. Everyone dressed all ladylike in skirts and capris and pastels and creams and sandals.
I of course brought the penis piñata.
Yes. I brought my rainbow-striped Toucan Sam papíer mâché cock. And it was awesome.
And not only did I bring it, but Juls walked through the middle of the party with it and hung the damn thing from the underside of one of the lawn umbrellas. Our family was nonplussed. The in-laws, however, were concerned for our sanity.
I jest. They’re lovely people. Seriously lovely people. Erin’s fiancé is Indian and his female relatives all dress to the nines in all of their gorgeous wraps and fringes and jewelry for every party we have. Puts the rest of us to shame. And they laugh a lot and have great conversations and enjoy themselves. Dammit, where do I find these in-laws for myself? Fuck trying to find the right guy. I’m searching for the right family to mesh with mine!
We managed to persuade our grandmother to pose with the penis. She’s such a sport. Two years ago I fed her a bowl of penis-shaped pasta on my birthday. I was slightly disappointed when she didn’t freak out, but I was also incredibly impressed by the fact that she ate them with gusto. Go grandma!
Anyway.
I took mom home after the bridal shower and returned for an impromptu bachelorette party. I kicked my night off with a series of gin and tonics, and then out came the penis. And from then on it was pretty much non-stop issues. And I had my camera ready for all of it. I’m the smart one. I stay behind the camera and let others incriminate themselves for me. It works out so well.
And. Well. Here’s how it went.