Grumpy

I totally lost my shit today at work.

Usually I’m really really good about keeping my cool no matter what’s going on. I’m one of the only people on our team who is. Coworker Sean, bless his heart, has actually thrown things and cussed loudly; he also goes red in the face and gets extraordinarily stoic. Coworker Tom is downright obnoxious when he’s upset or stressed. And the rest are iffy…except for coworker Jim, who is so completely unflappable, some days I wonder if he actually has a pulse.

Of course I do grouse about work and I have my grumpy moments, but they’re usually light and short-lived. Minor flesh wounds, really. The kind of stuff you can rub for a minute or two and the throbbing pain diminishes exponentially until everything’s better.

Not today. No. For some reason today, I was feeling evil.

I think it was the fact that I spent the bulk of last week apologizing for other peoples’ mistakes and taking the brunt of the shitstorm from the disgruntled parties that really just set me up for a meltdown. I was already in a relatively foul mood when I arrived this morning. Lack of sleep and having to face yet another day of corporate bullshit set the stage for the ensuing fireworks.

I have to say, I was actually fine all day. Pissy, but fine. I was pleasant and happy-ish and joking with folks. And then came the committee meeting I was supposed to head up. The meeting wherein nobody ready the documents I supplied them with TWO WEEKS AGO and had absolutely no clue as to what was taking place. The meeting that gave rise to a phone call to a woman I cannot stand in any way, shape, or form and have no problem openly showing my distaste for her. This was the single drop of water that completely short-circuited my wiring. I became so incensed and livid, I shut down and went into silent running mode. Trust me, it’s better that way. Keeps me from saying things I really really shouldn’t in a professional environment.

Coworker Sean was rather disgusted with me. Later on he told me I needed to put personal feelings aside and just get on with things. A comment which has now led to me calling him “Pot”.

While the meeting dragged on, I became increasingly angry and irritated. Coworker Tony has this bizarre habit of just talking over people if he thinks what he has to say is more important. And he thinks everything he says is more important. I had to chew my tongue to not break my code of silence. I listened while he talked over coworker Sean, coworker Tom, and the obnoxious woman that I can’t stand. Finally the phone call portion of the meeting ended and the three guys started to confer as to what the next steps were. Against my better judgment, I spoke up and very pointedly reminded everyone that there was a strict purpose to this committee, a purpose which had been outlined IN THE PRE-READING MATERIALS. Without saying as much, I indicated that the woman on the phone was a complete idiot and we would not be following her lead. I also got a dig in at coworker Tony, although I don’t think anyone else picked up on it. But hell, at least I was making a good attempt at being “professional.”

As the meeting came to a close I calmed down a little more, but I’d pretty much decided I’d had it with the committee, the event we were planning, and work in general. For the past week and a half I’ve been doing everyone else’s job. I’ve been verbally molested by every disgruntled person out there as though the fact that someone else dropped the ball was solely my fault. I should have just started bending over and offering up my sweet tender ass for them to pound mercilessly. That’s damn near what the last ten days have felt like.

All I asked for was someone to actually pay attention to some meeting notes (that I sent out last Tuesday) and come prepared to have a good discussion, and instead it was once again an “Amanda will just handle everything while you sit there and look pretty” situation. Ask me again why I don’t plan on working for this company until I retire?