Hot as a bitch

Words cannot even begin to describe the heat wave we’re having.

I’m not being a giant wuss either. You have to understand two things…
1) Summer came WAY late this year and we haven’t had time to acclimate to the heat…it went from low 70′s to triple digits in the span of a week. A WEEK, people. That’s not fair. A lot of places (usually here included) get a nice gradual ascent into the soaring temperatures of summer. But not us. Nuh-uh. We’re getting screwed without the lube this time around. We might as well get set on fire.

2) My house has a grand three air conditioners. The kind that you install in your windows. One in the kitchen, one in Jamie’s bedroom, and one in the computer room. Because I refuse to sacrifice the ability to crank my window open and enjoy the fresh air during the non-Hot-as-Fuck days, I suffer without the benefit of an artificially-cool breeze. To add insult to injury, the three AC’s that we do have are so energy inefficient, we pay as much as my parents do for electricity every month (for those keeping track, that’s a one-story, three-bedroom, 1950′s bungalow vs. a two-story, four bedroom, 1970′s single-family home…). It’s a goddamned crime, that’s what it is.

My room gets so hot, I work at the computer with the lights off. It’s a bonus that I’m a touch-typist, otherwise I’d have issues. My computer tower vents directly onto my left leg, which leaves half my body in a perpetual state of Sweaty As Fuck. No matter how little I wear to bed or how widely I crank my window open at night, I invariably wake up with the back of my neck drenched in sticky, salty wetness. It’s disgusting. It’s probably one of the few times I thank my lucky stars that I’m single. Who the hell would want to wake up next to that?

This coming weekend, mom and Cutter and I are heading up to Fort Bragg for the annual Salmon BBQ. I’m so looking forward to the break. I mean, I could use the weekend to get ahead on school (Enviro Science final is NEXT WEEK) and do more work around the house…but by god I’m so into 60-degree weather and barbecued salmon. I might even attend the event in nothing but my skivvies and some flip-flops. Trust me, the locals won’t mind a bit. They probably won’t even notice. God bless.