Last year it was the tiny pair of dungarees on my side lawn. This year? It’s a tiny cowboy hat. Well, it’s not exactly tiny. A small child could easily wear it on a breezy day. But it’s definitely a not-normal-sized hat.
Why the small articles of clothing being left on my side lawn? Cutter pointed out that it was simply because of the heavy winds we had just prior to the hat’s appearance. Yeah, but really? Another tiny piece of peoplewear? There has to be meaning in this somewhere. Perhaps I’m supposed to adopt a midget? That would be SWEET. I’d make him wear a helmet with a big tray on top that I could set my coffee on. A living, breathing end table. Take THAT, IKEA!
You may have noticed that recently older entries have been appearing out of thin air. That’s me clearing out the cobwebs from my drafts folder. February and March saw a lot of “oh, I have something I want to say but I don’t have time to completely say it” entries sitting in the queue, waiting to either be finished or deleted. I’m choosing to finish most of them slowly but surely, and delete the rest as I can’t for the life of me remember what point I was trying to make at the time. Oh how nice.
This is why I advise people to visit my homepage and move backwards from there, not just read the latest entry that slides through the feed. I’m not saying that everything I write is worth going all retrograde for, but at least give it a shot, make the effort. I’ll love you more for it. Promise.
Me and the Cactus
Some concern has been expressed in the past as to the state of my mental capacities when the following photo was taken:
I try to explain it away by telling people that I was at a business conference that was related to my old job. Doesn’t seem to help much at all. Apparently that’s just appalling that I would be caught licking a catcus while acting in a professional capacity. Oh how ye have been misled.
This photo was taken after I’d consumed what I would say was probably an entire bottle of Patrón silver. I know that sounds far-fetched, but trust me. I was being served water goblets FILLED with the stuff. There is no way that I didn’t consume almost an entire bottle by myself. This is the reason why I spent five minutes openly bashing a woman I can’t stand in front of her boss before realizing this fact. Eh, whatver. She’s despicable. You’d bash her too.
You can then appreciate how it is I came to be licking the cactus in the above photo. Because when you’re full of tequila, licking something with big pointy spikes on it just seems like a Really Good Idea.
When I got home from the conference, I realized that I had absolutely zero pictures of me either sober or behaving professionally. Hence the disbelief from pretty much everyone that I was actually there on business.
I received my invitation packet for this year’s conference, and guess who now has photographic proof that she was indeed behaving in a professional and businesslike manner at some point during the excursion?