Chris Isaak and two roast chickens

I am tired and slightly dirty, but no worse for the wear than I was three days ago. Our building at the fair looks awesome, and just when I think I am dangerously close to completely hating my temp job at the fair, I run across one of our regular exhibitors that I have known for years, and it makes it all seem much better…like a reunion of sorts. A weird reunion. With funnel cakes. And carnies.

There’s this sweet girl who has entered every year for as long as I can remember. She’s in high school now and she hasn’t changed a bit…maybe a bit more talkative than she used to be, but no less lovely or intelligent. I get a kick out of seeing her every year because it’s nice to see good kids do well. That, and she reminds me of the kind of kid I always wanted to be. Friendly, slightly nerdy, active, and an all-around good human being. This year we chatted about her livestock entries, her boyfriend, her own job there at the fair, and the weather. It was the most entertained I’ve been all week.

Well. That was, until I got to take a gander at Chris Isaak’s rider for his upcoming concert this Saturday.

Honestly, his demands - if you can really call them that, because his requests really weren’t that unreasonable, and I know that had he been typing up the list himself, it would have been done with the politest of intent behind it – but anyway, his demands were pretty OK. He didn’t ask for a football helmet filled with cottage cheese or 100 photographs of Bea Arthur naked. However, it was funny to read his meal requirements because the entire time I kept thinking “Jesus fucking christ, Chris, leave a little food for the children eh?” There had to be at least 20-30 items on this list. Now we do have to remember. This is Chris. His band members, of which there tend to be 3-4. And most likely his manager and some road staff. And I’m not entirely sure who is actually allowed to eat all of this. So it’s entirely possible that this is going to feed 10-15 people. That being said, I was entertained by his request for a “small plate of gourmet cheeses (imported)”. That was the actual phrase used. So…you’re going to request a bajillion different foodstuffs, but you don’t want to go overboard with the cheese? The one item that any normal human being would request in great abundance? Thx for the restraint there, Chris.

He specifically requested Gulden’s mustard. He also asked for fat free lunchmeats. (ew, Chris. EW.) And my favorite item on the list…two roast chickens. Whole roast chickens. Chickens that are all in one piece and that have been roasted. The first thing I asked was “What? No fat-free roast chickens? Cuz I’d pay to see how that shit goes down.” And now I have this mental image of Chris Isaak in all his lovely blue-eyed glory, draped over an armchair, holding a platter bearing two roast chickens, from which he’s scarfing drumstick after drumstick while Kenny Dale weeps in the corner over the lack of gourmet cheeses and the overabundance of fat-free lunchmeats.

I have to say, I’m extremely thankful that the celebrities at the festival don’t send me riders laden with their famous-people-demands. I don’t know that I could handle meeting someone else’s dietary demands. I’m of the “suck it up and drive on” school of thought. Eat what you get and be happy it’s not still moving. I’m not very good at meeting peoples’ needs. Which may explain why I’m still single.

Tomorrow’s another long, tiring day. At some point I absolutely need to bury my face in my Forest Ecology textbook because my brain is leaking like a sieve and if last week’s midterm is any indication of how much I’m retaining, then I’m screwed into the ground and should probably resort to learning by osmosis (read: sleeping face-down in the middle of a chapter). Until that time, I’m cross-eyed and covered in dirt with no sign of relief in sight. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Oh…P.S.

I got a really lovely phone call this morning from a member of the Redbud Audubon Society (the group that sponsors the Heron Festival) letting me know that I was the proud winner of not one but TWO prizes in the raffle I entered last weekend during the festival. I about fell over. I never win anything. Ever. To the extent that when I bought those raffle tickets last Saturday, mom looked at me and shook her head and muttered something about me not holding my breath. Srsly. And to win two prizes in the same raffle? Unheard of. Folks, now is the time to buy your lottery tickets. Rub me for some funky good luck.You too could be winner!