I Really Hate Celebrities

Because life couldn’t just be OK for a little bit, right?

No, this morning I’m greeted with one celebrity backing out of the festival entirely (but they didn’t contact me or Jared to tell us…nooooooo, they sent word through a 3rd party who shouldn’t have to deal with this crap) and another celebrity having a very public meltdown on Facebook. I’m about ready to kill them both with my bare hands. Come on people, it’s a goddamned holiday weekend. Couldn’t we leave the crazy in the closet for a few more days?

The one celebrity backing out…unfortunately is not a surprise to me. This person has a history of being a flake when it comes to the festival. Thankfully this time it’s early enough that we aren’t going to lose money on their flake. The bad part is having to break it to the fans. It was ugly the last TWO TIMES we had to make this same announcement. This won’t be any easier, being that it’s the 20th anniversary and people expect good things, not bad things. Oh how I’d love to grab this person by their arms and shake them vigorously and tell them what a disappointment they are as a human being. It wouldn’t make a bit of difference, but at least I’d feel better.

The other celebrity…we knew they were nuts. We knew they were a bit on the crazy side, and we took that chance when we invited them to the festival. But the fans love them and wanted them so badly, we invited them anyway. And now we have nutty goo-goo all over our shoes. Right now the Facebook Crazy is up to 81 comments and counting. The worst part is that the celebrity is now accusing other celebrities (who are all coming to the festival) of some really nutty shit. Like, peanut log. That’s how nutty this shit is. And fans who are also friended to this celebrity are showing up to defend the nutty celebrity as though these claims that are being made could even have a shred of truth to them. Oh my head, it hurts. THE STUPID, IT BURNSSSSSSSSS.

Already I’ve received an e-mail from one of the accused celebrities asking me for help in putting an end to this public bashing. How is this my problem? WHY is this my problem? I’m so glad that this is what I get to deal with today.

For all those people who like to tell me how lucky I am to be running this festival and how much they envy the things I get to do and the people I get to meet…you so don’t even know the half of it. The last time I enjoyed myself was around four or five years ago. I don’t get to drink, I don’t get to party, I don’t get to hang out with celebs, I don’t get to do whatever my little heart desires. Running the festival is akin to running a business. Jared and I are the first to arrive and the last to leave. We are up until 3 or 4 am working on last minute details, and up again at 6am to get the day started. If we’re lucky, we actually get to shower at some point. More often than not, we just spray ourselves with Febreze and put on extra deodorant. Our cell phones ring constantly with calls from celebs, town car chauffeurs, hotel managers, caterers, staff members, and even festival attendees (our Google Voice number forwards directly to my cell phone). We don’t get to tell people exactly what we think or how we feel because we have to exercise extreme levels of diplomacy to keep the ship running smoothly. I don’t get to tell the flaky celebrity what an asshole they are. I don’t get to tell the crazy celebrity what a douchebag they are. I don’t get to send out a note to all festival fans and tell them the absolute truth about these two celebs, that they’re lying jerks who give very few shits for their fans. I get to bite my tongue and pretend that things are copacetic.

Why I keep doing this year after year is beyond me. It’s not because I’m afraid to let go. Trust me, I’m more than happy to drop this in someone’s lap if it means I get to finally have a good night’s sleep. There isn’t anyone to really hand this off to. And those that we could pass it on to are terrible people who would ruin the experience for fans because it would become all about their own stupid ideas and not about what is good for the fans. No, what it comes down to is that Jared and I will have to be the ones to end this festival. We’ll be the ones to finally pull the plug and say “Look y’all, we had a good run but let’s face it…the show is over 20 years old and this is getting tiresome. Time to quit beating this dead horse.”

Keep your eyes peeled for 2012. 20th Festival. Like Babe Ruth, I’m pointing towards the outfield and taking aim. And I will most certainly knock this one out of the park.