Accidentally Educated

You know you need to get out more when you accidentally earn yourself a degree of any kind.

So what does it mean when you accidentally earn TWO degrees?

I’m genuinely curious. Because I’ve done this. I’ve accidentally earned myself two different Associate’s degrees. The first was an AA in Liberal Arts a few years ago. That was amusing enough because hell. It’s liberal arts. The degree people go for when they have no clue what they want to be when they grow up.

This time I’ve apparently earned an AS in General Science. Which is actually far more useful than a liberal arts degree for sure. But what the hell? Have I really amassed that many credits? (Answer: YES. I have so many credits, schools should just grant me automatic entry instead of making me apply like all the rest) And why don’t I feel any smarter for it?

People wonder how and why I’m such a Cliff Claven. Folks, this is why. Not only have I taken enough classes to have purposely earned an AA in Journalism, an AA in Geology, a BA in Managerial Accounting, and a BS in Natural Resources, I have also taken enough classes to ALSO now accidentally earn a degree in both general nonsense and general science. At this point I ought to just quit my job and become one of those incredibly annoying self-righteous know-it-alls that seem to plague every social network in existence.

I’m not sure whether to be embarrassed or proud.

No, wait, I do know. I am embarrassed beyond belief. I have become a professional student. (though thankfully one with ZERO student loan debt) Which I guess would be a whole lot worse if I weren’t gainfully employed at someplace other than a coffee shop. Still, it’s not a pleasant thought. One of my smug married-with-children friends on Facebook asked me how many units I’d amassed and when I told her, she remarked “Hm! That’s a lot of school. Hope something comes from it eventually.” Says the woman whose only post-high school achievement so far has been squirting out two redneck children and becoming the perfect plastic Stepford Wife. (It’s no surprise that I have not made any effort to see her in person in over ten years)

The upswing I guess is that The Boyfriend seems to think I’m the most brilliant person to ever roam the earth. Aside from Nikolai Tesla whom he thinks pretty much invented the entire universe. But that’s another discussion for another time.

I do get told (more than I’d like to admit) that I’m annoying and a bit arrogant with my knowledge. Which I don’t even notice until someone points it out to me. I’d apologize but I’m not sure you people would understand. Bah! Kidding! Sort of. Maybe. Here, wear this paper cone hat that I made you from one of my many degrees.

Now go make me a latte.