It’s unbelievable…

You honestly wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Really.

Did I call it or what?

So I bust my ass to get to Sac Airport on time…early even. Yeah, I ended up getting there less than 90 minutes before my flight. But hooray, the airport is flat-out deserted at 2:15 in the afternoon!

I’m waiting in line at the ticket counter and I hear the airline employee tell the guy standing at her station that his flight has been delayed at least an hour. I think to myself you poor sad fucker… and I trot my happy ass up to the next available window. Where the lady proceeds to tell me that my flight has already been delayed an hour. What?! Hello, lady, you don’t know what an accomplishment it is for me to be at the airport so early…

Even worse, she tells me “The flight has been delayed at least an hour, we’ll know more shortly.” Which elicited a giant eye-roll from me and a sigh that could have shattered eardrums.

I get up through security (had to take off the shoes yet again…surprise surprise) and get to my gate and plop down in some random seat, all ready to wait the extra hour…

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention. Flight 347 from Sacramento to Seattle leaving at 3:40 has now been estimated at a two hour delay. I repeat, we expect a two hour delay in our flight time. The flight from Seattle will be leaving at 3:05pm and should be arriving in Sacramento at 4:30, with an estimated Sacramento departure time of 5:10. Thank you for your patience, and we will update you when we receive further information.”

Groans from 100 people filled the air, and I closed my eyes, trying not to loose a gale of insane laughter on the crowd. I wanted to shout “Sorry! It’s my fault! The Hicks Addendum to Murphy’s Law is now in effect!” and wait for the hail of insults to begin, but instead I pulled my Discman out of my backpack, crammed the headphones over my ears, and tried to get comfy in my chair (not an easy feat in a skirt and heels) whilst listening to Linkin Park shouting “cause I’m one step closer to the edge, and I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!” The irony was thick…

Amazingly, the rest of the trip had a better balance of groovy and ass-suck. No more details than that. Just know that even on “vacation”, my life doesn’t get any better. But it sure as hell couldn’t get any worse.