Am I doomed?

I was in need of a little guidance last night. Just wanted a “suggestion” from something other than my own tiny mind. Ah! I know…I’ll check the runes. There we go! Good advice as always. Yeah, thank you non-believers who are snickering right now. Har har. Eat shit. You have your faith, I have mine. Back the fuck off.

I was so unamused by the rune I drew, that I tossed it dejectedly on the desk and kicked all the cats off my bed so I could flop down and pout. What my question or situation I presented was doesn’t matter. I could have asked how to kill off my worst enemy and still been bummed by the rune I drew. I knew as soon as I saw it that I was just in for a shitty ride.

The rune I drew was Hagalaz. The analysis of the rune on the linked site is a bit more chipper than most other analyses I’ve read…Whilst I don’t view the drawing of Hagalaz as a punishment…I do view it as a total blow. SO not the answer I was hoping for.

But then again, why ask if you don’t want to know the truth, right? Eh. I guess so.

So, you’re now thinking I’m a total and utter nutjob. Hey, what did you really expect? Don’t make me bust out the tarot deck on yo’ ass.

In other news, I’ve gotten into a horrendous habit of chewing ice at work. I’ve always been a chewer. My folks used to get so pissed at me for chewing ice as a kid…I never quite understood why. It’s frozen water…Not like there’s a whole lot of negative nutritional value there.

But at work, we have a nifty icemaker that kicks out these tiny cubes of crushed-like ice…perfect for chewing…and boy have I been chewing. I can literally knock off 15-20 cups of this shit a day while at work. No, seriously. It’s starting to drive people nutty, I think. I’m a quiet chewer, but even quiet chewers still make noise. That’s what they get for sticking me in a goddamned cubefarm. And even worse is the fact that chewing ice numbs your tongue and makes it slow and stupid…and this is detrimental to trying to hold any kind of conversation with anyone. I end up blathering and drooling and talking like a Downs baby. People are starting to wonder if I should be tested for extra chromosomes.

I’ve also had a new “monkey” name bestowed upon me. Icemonkey. Nice. Every cubefarm needs an icemonkey.

The bad thing about this sudden increase in ice consumption is that now I am basically visiting the restroom on a half-hourly basis. People must think I have a toilet fetish. It’s not really disruptive to my work…it’s just annoying to my vagina. It’s angry from all the excessive use. Last night we argued about it, and it started ignoring me. It won’t even look at me. I’ve pissed off my vagina (no pun intended, folks) and there’s nothing I can do about it ’cause goddammit my mouth wants to chew ice! I’m sure there’s some pervy “lips” joke I can make now that I’ve mentioned both my vagina and my mouth in the same sentence…but why destroy what little bit of good image of me you have left?

Needless to say, I’m going to have to buy a box of baby wipes until my ice craving subsides. Either that or I could convince Chevron that installing bidets in all our bathrooms is actually a fantastic idea, because who really needs ALL that space in the handicapped stall anyhow? I’m thinking I can make peace with my vagina this weekend, since I’ll be away from the conveniently tiny-sized ice for three days…and if that doesn’t work, well then…I’m open to suggestions, folks…