My mom’s side of the family

Normally I wouldn’t blog a second time so late in the day, but I’ve been mentally wrestling with some family crap and I needed a place to throw it all down. I think it’s going to drive me nutters if I don’t let it out soon, y’know?

OK, so my mom’s side of the family…they’re…ah…odd. They have this really strange habit of like totally getting into everyone’s business and judging people based on their own tiny worlds. It’s like they can’t stand it when things go against their grain, so to combat this fact they pick people apart until they are absolutely harmless and no longer a threat to the greater good of the Villata family. It’s fucking lame.

An excellent example of the way they treat people…

Upon finding out about my involvement with the Twin Peaks Festival, my Aunt Lisa, whose life I wouldn’t take if you paid me a million dollars a day, told me (and this is VERBATIM) “If you put as much energy into finding a man as you do into that festival, you’d be a happier person.” I was so completely and totally gobsmacked, I honestly didn’t know how to respond. If my mother and grandmother hadn’t been sitting RIGHT THERE, I’m pretty sure I would have eventually said “If you put as much energy into appreciating your family as you do into being a total cunt, we’d all be happier people.”

I mean…really. What…the…fuck. I have never done anything to these people. Ever. I’ve been the least assuming member of the entire family, save for some of the youngest grandchildren. And yet somehow because I’ve crossed that fine line of child and adult, I’m now open to ridicule and public shaming? It’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t treat a dog like that, let alone a family member!

I would normally let something like that go, had it come from someone I barely knew, or perhaps even a total stranger. But my own flesh and blood? How low can a person sink to inflict injury? That really really hurt me an awful lot. Nobody realized it at the time because I did the whole “brave face” thing, but inside I was screaming and kicking and bawling in total humiliation and embarrassment. Later on, I related this whole story to my Aunt Denise and Uncle John (dad’s side of the family), and Aunt Denise said to me point-blank “That really hurt you, didn’t it? I wouldn’t blame you, that was awful.” Proving once again that there is a giant gap between the two sides of my family. One has obviously evolved while the other is still paddling around in their own primordial ooze.

And now insult has finally come to injury. Several years back, mom and her youngest brother Steve had a falling out. That is the nicest term I can put on what happened, because it wasn’t and still hasn’t been pretty. It feels so sickly and ugly and half the time I think the family is ignoring it or hoping that mom will suck it up and apologize to Steve and make herself the object of public humiliation for the sake of mending things, all while Steve sits there snickering with an “I told you so!” attitude. For the record, neither of them is innocent, but the things Steve has accused my mother of are ludicrous at best and stuff I would expect only grade-schoolers to hold against one another.

My grandmother has always tried to make the best of things. She says she won’t take sides, but long ago she made it clear she thought my mother should just accept all the blame and bring peace to the family. If that ain’t taking sides, I don’t know what is. Anyway, the last time I saw my grandmother was September. We had our winetasting we hosted and it went so well. We were in great spirits and I love hanging out with my grandmother. I think she’s adorable and sweet and just a really fun person. Well, things apparently change more rapidly than I truly expected. Within a month, grandma was suddenly blowing us off. With a really lame excuse. I mean, it was really the worst excuse I’d ever heard her give.

The next month, we were to get together for a party at my Aunt Denise’s. Once again, grandma backed out, this time at the very last minute…but nevertheless, with a completely lame excuse again. It was starting to feel creepy. Mom probed Aunt Lisa via e-mail for details, but Aunt Lisa feigned ignorance. We know she’s not, but what can you really say? Then mom calls grandma a couple of days ago to let her know we’re coming down on Sunday to bring gifts and take her out for lunch and spend the day with her. And my grandmother, the woman who drops everything for everyone, the woman who doesn’t live her life by any set calendar, the woman who only three months earlier was laughing and sharing good times with me, told us “I’ll have to check my schedule. I don’t know if I’ll have time.”

Shit is smelling so fishy right now, it’s not even funny. I’m at my wit’s end at this point because I don’t know what to do. I’m so frustrated and upset with that whole side of the family, I’d love to just get them all in the same room and unleash a torrent of obscenities on them in an attempt to make myself feel better. I cannot believe that people…people I’m related to, for Christ’s sake…would act like that. Nobody will tell us what is going on now, and I hate that there’s nothing I can do about it. I won’t resort to the cheap shots that I know will work (If I were to show up on Grandma’s doorstep and bawl on her shoulder for five minutes about missing her, she’d unfreeze in a heartbeat), because I don’t think this whole situation even warrants the cheap shots. I just want the honest truth as to what’s up. I want to hear my grandmother tell me, in her own words, why she’s blowing us off and what her damage is. At least then I can get on with my day, my week, my life. I’m tired of having to bring my life to a halt every time someone gets the Drama Queen Syndrome in the Villata family tree.

And I hate choosing sides, but really, I adore my dad’s side of the family and would gladly give up mom’s side if it meant spending the rest of my life exclusively with dad’s side. I hate that feeling, but I’m being left with no choice anymore. It’s either constant heartache, or peace and serenity. And lord knows I could use peace and serenity.