Happy Greedy Commercialism Mindfuck Day!

Oh indeed my favorite day of the year!

I’m not sure I even need to launch into my anti-V Day diatribe this year. Y’all have heard it before. Although sometimes it begs repeating. Especially when I’ve spent the past six weeks being continually hounded by the sight of pink hearts and cupids. Doesn’t matter where you go or what you do, someone will be there to drive this shit into your skull like a railroad spike. A big glittery red one that plays “Love Me Tender” when you squeeze it.

God bless this capitalist society in which we exist. Can’t wait to see what holiday they choose to exploit next.

I’m so sick and tired of the cleaning people at work. They’re thieves. And worse than that, they’re thieves who USE YOUR SHIT WITHOUT ASKING. If I have to come into work one more time and find my radio has been carefully placed back where it was found, but very obviously used in my absence, I’m going to lose my shit and beat someone with my cubicle nameplate.

Using my CD player is just insult to injury. This is after I’ve found numerous items missing from my cubicle. Silly shit too. An empty Aquafina bottle, my telephone headset mouthpiece, a magnetic clip, a bottle of soy sauce…and then there’s my not-so-silly missing shit, such as my gorgeous and irreplaceable engraved mechanical pencil, my trio of Devil Duckies (fortunately I have replacements at home), my collection of Dilbert comics.

Not to mention all the food and drinks that have been stolen from the refrigerator. It’s a known fact on every floor that you don’t bring in more than what you’re going to consume THAT DAY because sure as shootin’ it won’t be there the next day. I’ve lost enough Dr. Peppers to fill an ice chest.

And the worst part is…no matter how many people report this or how expensive the stolen items are (people have had money and jewelry go missing!), we are told by security that we just need to make sure we don’t leave valuables laying around and take home anything we don’t want eaten out of the fridge.

What. The. FUCK. Seriously. What. The. FUCK?!?!?!

I am appalled by this apathetic attitude. We have enough security cameras on this damn property to catch people doing all sorts of things throughout the day. Someone can’t take a little extra time to make sure our shit is secure? This has gotten ridiculous. And even people in locked offices aren’t safe because guess what? The cleaning people have master keys. They’re like rodents. They can get into everything.

Now I hate making such a blanket statement because I’m sure not every cleaning person in the place is a crook. But even if it’s just one person doing it, the rest of this building’s crew HAS to know what’s going on. Theft isn’t forever easily concealable.

And it’s not even the theft…what about the borrowing? My supervisor has an office with a nice big window, which means he gets fantastic reception. His radio has been constantly used by the cleaning staff. And even worse, he’s left notes asking that it not be used, only to come in the next morning and find the note moved aside and the radio once again used. That alone infuriates me. I’d love to camp out under his desk one night and nab the shithead who thinks that “Please don’t touch” doesn’t apply to him! (and yes, for those of you insatiably curious, my supervisor also wrote the note in Spanish just in case it was one of the hispanic members of the cleaning staff; bases were covered)

I just discovered this morning that my CD player was yet again removed and carefully put back in its place while I was out. Of course, they forgot to put back the picture frame that was next to it. So that’s how I knew. And the volume was at the “reset” level it goes to when unplugged. I wonder if they realize that Sherlock Holmes isn’t necessary to solve this mystery? If it wouldn’t end up being a bummer on my day, I’d smear my entire cubicle in poo so it’d be less likely of a target in the future.

Went to the quarterly Four Seasons Wine Tasters tasting on Saturday night. I love how we have this totally pretentious sound to our group, when really it’s just a small gang of folk who like wine and take turns hosting the tastings. Hey, you were momentarily impressed. Admit it!

Anyhoo…this big discussion struck up amongst the folks I was sitting with about Napoleon Dynamite. We were joking about one of the guys at the tasting reminding us of Pedro, having a good larf over his total lack of body movement while speaking in his dry, monotonous voice. It was a jolly conversation, until one of the women from across the room suddenly blurts out to the group of folks she’s sitting with “I thought that was the worst movie ever. It wasn’t worth the time I wasted to watch it.”

My first thought was to tell her to mind her own business. I don’t mind eavesdropping at parties and gatherings…it can usually yield great results. However, I do take exception to people who eavesdrop and then either join the conversation and immediately shit on it with their negativity, or they loudly spout their negative opinion to a nearby group with the express intent of insulting the folks they’re eavesdropping without deigning to join the actual conversation.

But I thought I’d be polite and quiet and give her a chance to explain her reasoning. I mean, it took me about three viewings before I actually decided the movie wasn’t the dumbest thing ever. Seriously, you have to get past the glaring lack of a coherent plot to truly enjoy the flick. Not an easy feat by any means.

Her explanation was basically that it just wasn’t funny and she thought it was just stupid entertainment for people who didn’t know good entertainment.

I stared at her with my jaw locked down so it wouldn’t drop to the floor in complete shock. What a bitch. She eavesdrops and then insults…and then verbally moons us without the decency to hide her nutsack.

Someone quickly changed the subject, and we all went on with our merry wine tasting. But I found myself thinking throughout the night “God she is such a bitch! I should throw my bread cubes at her!” And I couldn’t figure out why I was suddenly just so completely angry over an opinion and statement that really shouldn’t matter.

It wasn’t until the end of the tasting where we go ’round the room and give our scores and opinions on the wine that I realized what my deal was…I just don’t like the woman at all. I was watching her as she expounded on her ratings and reasonings, thinking Man she likes to hear herself talk, when it just hit me like a ton of bricks. The woman drives me absolutely batty. Her and her husband are as snooty as snooty gets. They think they are too high class for the rest of us, and it’s been proven time and again that they think we’re just a bunch of blathering fools compared to them and their vintage prowess. Why, God, why…Why must grown adults act like this? Ugh. UUUUUGGHHHH!

Of course, once I came to this realization, everything her and her husband said from there on out just made me want to laugh and make private jokes in my head. Such sad, small people in their sad, small world. I also realized that we’d all been putting up with their behavior for far too long. From rude comments about wine selections, to deliberate and glaringly obvious snubbing of random guests. These folks have somehow deemed themselves rulers of our little wine tribe. I wonder if we can vote them off the planet?

On a happy note, the wines we tasted Saturday were all pretty good. I think only one didn’t tickly my fancy much. I took a particular liking to one that practically reeked of dill, a characteristic nobody else seemed to enjoy. Oh well, more for me then!